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| Ix. No reason. |
Go on, read it - it took 5 months and is huge. Seriously, read it now. We'll all wait.
We're waiting. Srsly, we'll be right here when you come back, go on off you go. Gone? Good.
Back? Welcome! Phewffff, I know right?! And it was free, I'm like a freaking Girl Guide or something. Boy Scout? Who cares, something like that.
So, I thought it might be fun to release the initial version of comic 18 because it's fun to see the changes, especially when the original versions are dire! This is
also one of the first comics where I wrote the entire script out a few times before even beginning the rendering process.
Unusual that, to be that organised, but I think it's the way to go because you get a better feel for the flow of conversation rather than if you just make it up as you go along and try to caption the comic after it's all rendered. If you do that you're screwed because you're at the mercy of describing what you've rendered rather than the other way around, so the conversation always ends up a bit unnatural.
Anyway, if you've read this far you must be a proper fan of mine because this is a really boring topic!
Congratulations! No cash prizes.
Here's the scripts then :) >>>>>>>
Comic 18: Shadows and dust (original sketchy version)
- Shit kicks off for Tom etc, they try & fire (Zan on joystick, Bex on weps) but ships disappearing, explosions mayhem pew pew, Zan flying blind,
"Evasive manouvres!"
"There's nothing to evade; their fleet's still about a thousand clicks off!"
"Then what the hell are they firing at?"
"We've been hit we've been hit! Oh sorry no wait that's ketchup on the monitor. Carry on."
"Hold on, no-one's even firing at us, they're fighting amongst themselves".. leading to one ship left. Ix-Xho running to bridge. Tom says must be Fabuloso, and with that firepower they're in real trouble - Katana plot, Luce revealed
- Luce/Ix respect, head down to tacspace
- crew tests hyperdrive, tattoo explanation conversation
- Asteroid messages left in home system
- Ix & Zan measuring scene
- Ix & Xho no touchy question time
- Ends with reference to emperor; notice passed in quiet halls
So here's stage 2 - the full script:
Comic 18: Shadows and dust (first proper draft version)
*wraith enters battle, speech bubble from bountyhunter*
sir! an unmarked craft just buzzed in and dropped six mines on our hull!!
shit it! shields up!
too la*explodes*
ships disappearing, explosions mayhem pew pew, ix flying,
xho: they're miles away, what the hell are they firing at?
*another speech bubble from battle*
commander, our shields have been taken out by railgun kinetics!
what?! from where?
i can't te..
bountyhunter on screen: this is captain aurelius, we demand *static*
becky: we demand what? he hung up!
tom: that's just rude
becky: so rude
xho: err, his ship was destroyed
becky: oh
well, fair enough
ix: i've taken two out, but no-one's firing at us, they're all dealing with some tiny bloody attack ship by the looks of it
i think it's a drone of some sort
whatever it is, it's chowing through them like a bastard
*page or two of sky fighting, zooming, lasers pew pew
becky/zan: twelve left
ix: gotcha! eleven
nine
shit! did you see that?! four!
thr.. two.
*one ship left*
ix: well, guess we get ready for some negotiation
Tom: must be fabu-fucking-loso, and with that firepower we're in real trouble
ix: whoever it is we'll need to have a little chat. i'm going to get a coffee
xho: err yeah coffee sounds good, i'll join you
*walking through corridors with coffee, lots of thought bubbles from both*
"sorry about the cum" ... "i'm sorry i came all over you"
oh god there's no good way to say that
"how do you feel about all that sperm then?"
look at him, stressing about something
fuck
he's so gorgeous
am i visibly salivating?
*5 mins later, with coffees*
i've got to say something
she's so ...
i just want to touch her
say something
xho: you were ... you're amazing. pretty, i mean
pretty amazing?
i mean you look good except i'm so rubbish with words!
thanks. you too. look good, are good, all sorts of good
i'm sorry about my ... sorry about all the ...
(smiling) all the what?
um nothing
*ix pinches xho's bum as they enter room
*ix and xho pad in with a coffee*
*tom and zan sitting at stadium seating, becky playing tomb raider*
we about to die then or what?
it's still just hanging out there; seems deserted or something weird
can't be deserted
(full page)
becky: sorry, what even is it? I don't understand how it took out all those ships
xho: it's a wraith; they're like drones in that they can manouvre at insanely high gee, but they do have a human crew; the pilot goes into a chemical trance and operates the ship from a slowtime couch, meaning they can process instructions almost as fast as a drone ship's ai mind
ix: so they have all the manouvrability and lightning-fast movements of a combat drone as well as the creative unpredictable attacks of a human crew
they're unmatched and almost invincible as fighter ships, but because of the exotic materials they're made from and the risky affects of slowtime on the pilots, there's only a few wraiths in existence
hardcore
(next page)
look, the crew must be either repairing or planning something - comms still closed?
yeah, totally dark
ok, they've had enough time for negotiations; i'll head to the armoury and suit up; tom, with me, zan and bex get ... zan what?
i don't know, it feels ... weird in here
come on, we need to ... oh
*silent look*
get her ix!
i don't think ix will be moving
yes ma'am
tell them
guys, stay still. this blade is a monofilament hydroforming saw
it could cut through diamond like it's walking through a fart
if i'm right, it's fitted guided by a semi-sentient ai
she's called glaive* *glaive is a Krull reference! We all knew that though, right? Right! High fives all round
the ai can move about using magnetic vortices and change direction pulling five hundred gee. possibly the rarest, most illegal weapon in the civilised galaxy and we don't want to fuck with it
oh shit
yes. shit.
one word from me, and you'll become diced ham in two tenths of a second. so let's talk
how did you even get in here?
you don't seem too hot on keeping the shields up, i just strolled into an airlock.
becky: sorry, that was my bad; i mean, the bountyhunters were gone and i wanted to play tomb raider so ...
ix: zan - smack becky's bottom please.
zan: yes ma'am!
*zan continues to smack becky's bum throughout comic*
ix: you're from the wraith, right?
i'm the pilot
then I guess we should say 'thank you'
that's a good start
there's a big price on ix and xho here; you - fatty - how exactly do you know these two little dudes?
err .. we employed ix at a space station as our pilot about a year ago. then we, well, ix, rescued xho from a hostile planet a few months back
and?
and nothing; that's it
i can remove them both from here without any problem and leave you three to your own business, would you like that? i'll even split the bounty with you
no deal. we're crew
interesting. do you agree, zan?
*zan continues to smack becky's bum throughout comic*
how do you know my naOH MY GOD!
hahahaha!!!! oh my god!!!! no way!!
zan, what?
huh? oh, nothing, nothing. um, no mysterious 'wraith pilot', i would not like you to remove ix and xho - they really are crew. and we love them
*zan continues to smack becky's bum*
cool. gotcha. glaive; return
becky (to zan): could you stop smacking my bum now?
oh! sorry, got carried away
SSSCCHHIIIIINNGGGGGGG
becky: so you're?!
tom: LUCY!
*zan hugs lucy*
hi, dickhead.
sorry for testing you, i wanted to know your intentions
i know these three, but it's an honour to meet you and your twin, captain ix
the honour is all mine, wraith pilot lucy (bows)
a captain with humility
now here is someone i can serve under (also bows)
ix: right you lot, it's a good bet fabuloso knows exactly where we are now, the clock's ticking and we need to test that hyperdrive; xho?
yeah we can jump anytime.
what? i thought you still needed to ... then why didn't we just jump away from that bloody great battle?
i ... didn't think we really needed to. i mean, nobody asked?
ix: xho ...
sorry, you're right i should've mentioned it. hey, we can even bring the wraith if it's close enough to the ship
distance?
within two hundred metres of the hull would do it
let's test it then.
ok *presses a single button*
*they're all facing away from the windows, stars zoom briefly*
done?
*looking at screen intently*
err ... yep!
yes!
ready to test?
it's ... we've already tested it
what?
we're now five hundred lightyears from where we were
since when?
uhh since i pressed that button
holyyyyy ... shiiiiiiittttt!!!!
yep!
*hugs all round*
luce: great job.
hey, where did you get this tattoo?
i crewed a wraith as the cover story for the last job i did; our government used it as an excuse to penetrate a smuggler colony and get me some kudos on the way in
it represents?
well i got a reputation for getting results; for using tools to destroy the invincible. the tattoo is an icon for bellerophon - he was a
i know who he was
is yours?
pegasus
...
tom; pegasus?
...
*eye contact between luce and xho*
xho: because sometimes you need a magical flying horse
luce: pegasus and bellerophon made the ultimate team
tom: cool.
becky: no way, so you both have tattoos of the same horse and rider? what?
ix: that's a hell of a coincidence
zan: or a hell of a destiny
luce: this new hyperdrive is ready to rock then, what's your problem with this admiral?
ix: well he's ...
zan: hang on. hold on. i've just had an idea. xho, can you transport other bulky objects next to the ship, like a few hundred tons of rock, and make multiple jumps within a few seconds?
yeah but it could take hours to run the computations
be quicker to move the hyperdrive to the wraith - less mass to figure out
ok, and could we also run the maths first? like i mean do all the calculations before the wraith even heads off?
yeah, sure
ix: what are you thinking, zan?
well, this might be a bit out there, but it will mix things up for fabuloso...
*a few days later*
massive rock flies through system at six hundred thousand kmh, fabuloso's fleet tracks it - can't understand how it appeared at the edge of the system without them knowing about it
rock with lasered cock on it turns up at zero relative speed next to a ship - the delivery wraith hops away.
similar rock placed in orbit with message to the government
*speech bubble from a fleet ship*
"Commander, here is a close-up of the asteroid"
"Damn, they've totally circumnavigated all our defences to get these asteroids in here. We must be dealing with a ruthless cartel of top-end professionals"
*cut to lots of renders of everyone; tom & hayley in bunk, luce & xho in shower, becky riding victor in wraith
ix and zan scene
*in manhattan apartment -style cabin*
*zan looks at insertion depth*
knew it.
wha .. what's that line?
i measured xho's schlong against it so i could test a theory
what?
i think you could take the whole of xho.
what? but i can barely get tom inside me, and xho's ...
xho is a little bigger and a little harder, yes, but it's a species thing.
but ... but YOU can't even get all of xho inside, and you're twice the bloody size of me!
listen sugartits, i'm the only one who can feel inside you and becky like i do, and you're different on the inside. you're tight but you go deeper - you just have to bend at the right angle
and i'm the only one who's had both cocks in me, and they're different, they move slightly differently, at different points...
what .. what are you saying?
*zan rolls to one side*
i'm saying, young lady, that there's a very real possibility that despite appearances, your cute little pussy is the only one onboard that can take every millimetre of xho.
no!
zan: yes.
no!
i'm telling ya. the tentacle never lies.
*whole page*
i reckon it'd fit like a glove too *ix eyes wide, zan talking in her ear*
fill you right up
i'll leave you to think about that little scenario
*exits, 20 mins later is seen whispering in xho's ear in a corridor*
xho: no!
i'm telling ya
why .. why are you telling me this?
just thought it was interesting, that's all. veeeery interesting.
i ... i ...
*zan walks off*
*xho walks into galley, ix sitting on surface with coffee*
hi there
ix: oh err hi!
hey
you been busy?
errr ... well ... ****Ix pictures her with zan in bed, a render or two in thought clouds****
kinda busy, yeah. you?
err, same *Xho pictures him with luce in shower*
i err .. wanted to ask about the message we lasered into those asteroids
i mean
i wanted to talk to you
sure, anything
that tacspace thing. look, i'm sorry i've been so uptight
that time we were trapped together was ...
was actually ...
[SPOILERS REMOVED: THIS SECTION'S NOW AT THE BEGINNING OF COMIC 19]
oh! i meant to ask - about those asteroid messages we left
what do you think will happen next?
well hopefully it'll mix things up politically back home, get some of fabuloso's superiors involved then anything could happen; the whole fleet could come after us, or fabuloso could simply be removed from power and we'll be free. guess we'll find out
we're in a much better position than we were though, thanks to your work on the hyperdrive
oh it's nothing. great fun
*ix blows a kiss*
hah! i ... see you soon
*ix side smile*
*xho exits, door closes*
*ix gasps, holds head, lies back "wow"*
****comic ends with quiet hall - messenger brings emperor a message****
your imperial majesty, a substantial threat to the home system ..
hmm?
a message has been cut into an asteroid and placed in orbit, circumnavigating all our defensive systems ... including the fleet itself
...hmm
the ... the message requests that we remove admiral fabuloso from command *holds pad out*
emperor turns, eyebrow up
THE END. Now rewrite this five times & make 30% less dreary GOGOGO
13 comments:
Cool, special features bonus disk.
writing an initial script always helps I reckon, its not supposed to be concrete but simply 'a work in progress'. sometimes you may get an idea that changes the entire script.....but its a good idea so you go with it and make the script changes thereafter accordingly. then you make another change etc. etc. In the end you have a story that almost wrote itself but still has a base in the original idea.
its something I did for my sci-fi comic (still ongoing) and yeah, some scenes/chapters consist of: 'big space battle, lots of sexual innuendos and banter.' But thats fine, even if the script initially called for 3 issues but you realise its gonna be at least 4 (considering issue 2 which is completed is 193 pages long and not even half way through the story...and took a year to do.)
Loving the new comic by the way!!
Yeah exactly, see all the dross that I conjured in the process :) Super fans only
FC! I didn't know (or massively forgot, I do have a terrible memory) you did comics!! I remember you building the crew but wow it sounds like you've done loads. Send me the d/l link, I'd love to read them :)
(And if you're selling, I'm not paying, come on now I've shown you mine for free! projectbellerophon@gmail.com )
This is a wonderful piece of work, really in another league to everything else out there. Love the dialogue between Luxy and Xho, in fact it's great throughout, although I'm pacing myself and haven't got much further than that scene. Having waited so long it needs to be savoured. Thanks again
Munkjack
Thanks Munkjack - really appreciate the not-ploughing-through-it thing, I like to think people read it slowly occasionally, that there's enough in there to absorb slowly and really get all the nuances, so your comment confirms it :)
naa, not selling and I wouldnt accept your monies even if I was! I'm sending you the files as I write this!
absolutely amazing work with the plot. it really flowed well through the whole comic and there were no scenes that seemed thrown in there at the last minute. your render quality has also improved a lot lately and is very impressive. it seems rare nowadays that someone with a skillset like yours will spend so much time on something for fun and release a piece of work like this for free. it is much appreciated.
I managed to leave it another week but had to see what happened, especially with Ix and Xho. That is a great scene, one that I have been in once or twice albeit rather better clothed, it must be warm in space! The figure at the end looks rather like those two, could there be a connection per chance?
Can't wait for the next chapter, so once you've done with bathing in the glory let's be having it, pretty please.
Munkjack
No great secrets - the figure at the end is their emperor - same species, only guy who's a higher rank than Fabuloso. Hilarity will no doubt ensue :)
Thanks danisa1. I guess I'm wrapping the series up - when I get to #20 I think that'll be it. Seems a shame very few others put the effort in to get the lighting decent, and if they do it's purely to make money. Ah well, humans eh? What can you do :)
Sorry to hear that we will not see much more of the gang. I hope you find another story to tell with your art. It has always been nice to see an update or two showing what we had to look forward to in your next comic.
Also if you are interested in having a look I have published a comic of my own, click my profile name to find it. Its based on Mass effect characters but not quite at the render quality of yours.
Thanks dude, I will check it out :)
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